


Nicknames from a Nuisance

by why_cello_there



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Dave Is A Lil Shit, Fluff, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Nicknames, The Meteor, There are so many goddamn nicknames in this jfc, davekat - Freeform, too cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 18:01:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5137379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/why_cello_there/pseuds/why_cello_there
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nicknames are annoying. At least, Karkat Vantas finds nicknames annoying.<br/>Especially if they are bestowed by Dave Strider.</p><p>I got really bored, and I decided to actually finish writing something. Huh.<br/>I had way too much fun with the nicknames and Karkat's insults tbh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nicknames from a Nuisance

“Karkatniss Everdeen”

“Hurricane Karkatrina”

“Karkalicious”

Karkat had long since given up trying to avoid the torrent of supposedly funny nicknames given to him. It was all Strider’s fault.  
It was too bad that he loved the ruby-eyed human, or else he’d give him a verbal beatdown.

“Karkat Rantas”

Karkat sighed, turning to the aforementioned albino. “What in the eternal reaches of paradox space do you want, Strider?”  
Dave shrugged. Karkat sighed again.

“Let me rephrase: Why in actual fuck’s name were you following me around, trying to gain my attention with these absolutely ridiculously stupid nicknames, making pop culture references that no goddamn airsucker on this rock understands except for you and your rusted thinkpan, and generally being the very epitome of the definition of a nuisance? I’ll let you know that I am the only living being on this amateur trans-universal vessel that has the gall to even try and make preparations for when we land, wherever the demolition-laden hellhole we land is, and you’re trying to gain my attention for what blatantly one dimensional excuse?”

“I was bored.” The reply held no emotion whatsoever, as was normal for the blonde-haired human. Karkat’s reaction could only be described as a fusion of disappointment and irritation. Seeing this, Dave’s usually emotionless face twitched into a smirk. “Is that not a good enough reason for the so-called leader of this posse of hormonal teenagers traveling to another universe via a flying space rock? I wouldn’t blame you for having high standards for reasons why someone would want to interact with you, Kitkat.” He punctuated the remark by tossing a shiny red object at the troll, and he left the room with a smirk.

 

Karkat, having caught the object, studied the item in his hands. It had a shine to it, and lettering on a white space spelled out…

“Kitkat. Of course…” Karkat said, shaking his head. “Of all things he could have spent his sorry time alchemising, he alchemised whatever the actual infinite vacuum of the universal Genesis Frog this thing is… For a nickname. How very underwhelming.” A high-pitched laugh caught his attention. Karkat turned towards Rose, who was standing behind him.

“It looks like my brother has taken a fancy to you. You can consider yourself a lucky troll.” She said, smiling and leaving the area. Karkat sighed. He was going to find Dave and let him know exactly how he felt.

As soon as he’d decided that, he’d opened the so-called “KitKat”. Apparently it was edible. Rose was right. If he’d gained this from Strider, he could consider himself lucky. He would find the human and give him what for.

Right after he finished eating the chocolate, though.

 

Dave was alone, muttering along to some rap artist. Ever since he’d joined the game, it was hard to keep track of what was by who. But Dave Strider didn’t care. He wouldn’t, couldn’t, and didn’t care about much. He told himself that as he memorised every lyric. Nope, he definitely didn’t care about the glory that was rap music. Totally not. He totally paid too little attention to be distracted from the door opening behind him.  
A familiar cough jolted him out of his thoughts, and Dave turned to see Nubs McShouty, Karkat Vantas, or whatever you wanted to call him (the troll himself preferred to be called a leader, Dave would’ve preferred to call Karkat his boyfriend. Not that he’d ever say that out loud).

“Sup, Mr Vantastic.” Dave said, a somehow-aloof smirk growing on his face. Karkat only frowned.

“Stop with the nicknames, dumbass. I can’t believe I’m still sane after having been on this rock for what, a sweep? I have no idea how I continually put up with the absolute idiocy that is witnessed in the general vicinity, just… Eugh, I hate you-”

“Karkat” Dave’s voice was flat.

“No, I can’t stand this, I’ve fucking had it, I am sick of this shit-”

“Karkat” Dave put some emotion into his voice. Occasionally.

“Fine, what the actual language mutilated Troll Jesus Christ is it?” Karkat was glaring up at the human, grey skin and a hateful glare contrasting with a pale, freckled face with no expression. Dave sighed, glancing away for a moment.

“Shut up.” Dave leaned forward and pressed his lips to Karkat’s forehead. A faded red covered the troll’s face, as he stammered, lost for words. Dave smirked.

“Karkat got your tongue?”

“Dave Strider… If you stop making up these stupid pseudonyms that will never be put into use except for your fucking mockery…” Karkat trailed, looking away. Dave cocked a brow.

“Then what? What will the great Mr Vantas do if I stop giving him names that are not his own?”

“Then I’ll… fuck…” Karkat could only look at the floor. He sighed, waiting for a stream of new nicknames and puns to come his way.

“C’mon, I’d like some sort of clarification, Vantass” Dave said. The gears were turning in his head, churning out a new set of mockery like clockwork.

“Karkieeee”

“Cape Magnet”

“Beep Beep Meow”

“Give me an answer, Krabattack”

“If you don’t stop pulling these godforsaken nicknames out of whatever nickname factory in paradox space that your non-existent thinkpan is hooked up to, then I will stop using your own name and give you my own nicknames!” Karkat said. Or perhaps, screeched. He paused for thought, as the human in front of him raised an eyebrow, somewhat impressed by this sudden outburst. “Hmm, what would you find substantially embarrassing and humiliating? Striderp, perhaps?”

There was a pause. Then a laugh.

“Okay, dude, calm your non-existent alien tits. I’ll stop with the nicknames… Possibly in the distant future.” A glare from the troll made him pause. “Okay, verbal backspace. I’ll stop with them, okay?” Karkat gave a nod.

“Fine… You’re still a stupid, slimy, insecure, pompous, ego-centric, bulge-sucking dick socket, you know that?” Karkat said, glancing up at the human. Dave merely chuckled.

“You like to think that, don’t you? If we will continue this little game of telling the other person that they are something they are not, perhaps something that the other wants to believe that they are, then I will oblige, and call you something that I perhaps wish you were, but sadly, you are not.” Dave said, giving the other a side glance, before he covered his eyes. Goddamn Striders and their insecurities. Karkat sighed.

“If we’ll make this a game, then fine. Though considering our current situation, we don’t have fantastic experiences with games. What is it that you will call me, douche canoe? It’s something you want me to be, right?” He said, giving a flat look up at the other. Dave nodded.

“Wanna know what I’ll call you?” He said, leaning close to the other. Karkat growled.

“Fucking hell, just tell me already, you goddamn miserable excuse for a living and sentient being.”

“Wow, you’re creative, Karkat. Anyway, I’d like to call you…” He cut himself off by kissing the troll quickly. Before Karkat could react, Dave pulled away and smirked. 

“I’d like to call you my boyfriend. Hope that nickname isn’t too much for you to handle.” He said. 

 And then he left. Karkat stared into space for a moment, before shaking his head.

“He’s such a nuisance… Though I may pander to that socially inept imbecile’s wishes…” He was jolted out of his train of thought by a familiar voice, albeit further off than before.

“I can still hear you, Karkrab!”

“Shut your misused protein chute before I personally tear your vocal chords out of your throat!”

Karkat had a lot of questions on his mind. They included “Why the hell was I the one to have received the mutation which endangered my life and wellbeing?” Another was “Why do I put up with this shit?”

But there was always one he could never answer, which teased at his brain every day, growing stronger every time he interacted with the main subject. 

“Why am I in love with this irony-loving, insecurity-hiding, metaphorical mask-wearing human known as Dave Strider?”

Like the nicknames, it was a nuisance.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for actually making it through this! This is my first AO3 work, so any constructive criticism is appreciated! Also, I'm Australian, so I spell things differently from Americans and Canadians (I think), so just putting that out there as a general note. Also, I had no idea how to end this if you couldn't tell.


End file.
